Some Photos From Thailand and Australia

If you’ve been reading a while, you will know that I went overseas in February for a month!

I had never been to Asia, and nor had I traveled alone to this extent. It was glorious and much-needed. A huge treat and confidence booster. I cannot recommend either country enough. I am in love with Thailand, and already adored Australia. Here are my favourite pictures that were taken on my journey.

In Pai on the bamboo bridge, Northern Thailand.

Elephant wash.

Mango feast by the river.

Christy, Colleen, and I in Chiang Mai’s Night Bazaar.

At the waterfalls of Doi Suthep.

My most favourite gimpy dog, Gimpy (I can’t remember her real Thai name). In Pai. I wanted to take this dog home!!

Eating watermelon on the deck of my hut. It was about $15.50 a night. With that view out the back.

 

My SUGARCANE JUICE totally matches my bag, woah. Sunburn in full effect.

Nai Harn Beach, Phuket.

Me and my pal Gilles. He’s 8. He reminded me of Bart Simpson – sweet but bratty!

Me and Baby in Mai Khao, Phuket. She followed me to the beach when I got to where I was staying. The sun was in our eyes.

By a beach fire in north Phuket.

Me and Jasmine, who was there with her boyfriend Karolis, staying at the same huts on the beach as me. They were early 20s from the UK, super nice.

Melbourne:

Effin’ pool party! Shannan and Mahala in the back (I stayed with Shannan).

Me and Shannan at Dandenong Ranges. Like my shirt? Fruit thought-bubbles! Also…the shirt says “Little Miss Dirty Mind.” What a damn perfect shirt.

Me at St. Kilda’s Beach. It was hella windy.

Shannan and Mahala at the beach on our road trip down Great Ocean Road.

Moi.

GOBS of street art in Melbourne. TONS.

I Want to Do Everything

I need to cast off “jobs” and gain “EXPERIENCES.”

I need to turn sleep into an imagination factory – dreams into drawings, dreams into novels. dreams into music.

I need to bless every second with conscious OOMPH. i need to fire up every moment with a zing that it would not have otherwise – those zings are always there – neurons and atoms and little crazy invisible things happening, if we tune into them we can jump in and  ride their carpets – dancing and flipping cartwheels on top of radio waves.

It’s time to ride the wild ribbons of life, people. put on a cowboy hat and prepare to hang on, because when you are truly living, you end up naked, vulnerable, and absolutely glowing.

A Purpose For When You Feel There’s No Point

Aimee Mullins

Are you obese, or depressed, or really sick?

Do you feel like you have no purpose, do you think you are useless, whatever, no good, a waste, that you have nothing to offer anyone or have no purpose in life? That you are just gonna waste away and nothin’ you can do about it?

I can tell you a purpose. You can be an inspiration.

For me, who is already slim and fairly fit and very healthy (I wasn’t always!), I am most inspired by the massive transformations people have. I need to continually be inspired in order to remember how important being healthy is, how important LIVING is. I am most inspired by people who are told “You will need to take these pills forever” or “You are going to die unless you have gastric bypass surgery” or “You will never walk again” or countless other things – and then those people prove everyone wrong by IGNORING what EVERYONE says and by believing in themselves. They find one SHRED of love for themselves and hold on to it like it is life support, and they do one little bit at a time, until they get better, and better, and better, and they feel more self love, and people start noticing, and the onlookers spur them on, and so that momentum grows, and then those people start being heroes, and you can be one of those people, too.

If you are really at the END of your rope – a miserable curmudgeon, someone who is extremely overweight, someone with eating disorders, someone on massive amounts of pills for an “incurable” disease – you can change all of this and be a beacon of hope for others, to show them it CAN be done, and there is ALWAYS room for more inspiration, there is ALWAYS room for more people that show us what can be done when we ignore the bullshit and follow our hearts.

The thing is, even when what you are working on healing is “invisible” (like mental issues), people around you will notice a change – you get this glow about you. Even if you are not losing weight rapidly, your skin will start to shine and your demeanor will be sparkling. You become a magnet for good things, which becomes a whirling dervish of positive vibes. They keep coming, and that’s what makes it even easier to continue.

Your purpose, now, is to transform for the good of everyone, not just you. Start where you are, take photos, take videos, and chronicle your journey. It makes no difference if it takes days, months, or years – It will uplift someone so much that they will make positive changes in their own lives – beauty and love transform others, and then it goes on and on and on, endlessly.

THAT is a grand purpose to hold in your mind, and when you accomplish your goals, you will be free and clear and know what you are meant to do in life. In the meantime, be an inspiration.

One last thing: temporary slip-ups are not failures. Even I have days where I don’t adhere to my highest aspirations – I brush off and keep going. That is the secret of succeeding – even the most amazing people have days and moments they are not reaching the bar they have set – just try again, and you will reach it.

Why I Don’t Want Everyone to Like Me

I don’t care if you like me.

Why? Because there is billions upon billions of people in the world. How can they all like me? It’s asinine. No one can have everyone like them so stop trying. It’s an impossible task. Work on liking yourself. There will always be someone who finds a flaw in you, or someone who doesn’t like an inflection in your voice, or thinks your face is weird, or who thinks you are too tall/thin/fat/stinky/giggly/morose/loud/quiet/vivacious/etc – who cares? There are plenty of people who will jive with you (and me) – it’s called flocking – people who get you, will get you. If they don’t, oh well.

Find people who mesh with your style, your thought-patterns – and find others who are not normally your style who intrigue you, too – if you always stick with the same sort of pals, you won’t really grow or learn.

But the people who hate on you, just move on. When they don’t like you, that makes a space for someone who does, OR space for YOURSELF.

Imagine for a minute that EVERYONE liked you. Would you have a moment in the day for yourself? Would you be constantly telling people “Sorry, booked til next June, I have so many plans! Ahh, people won’t leave me alone!”

I dunno how celebrities do it, but I can kind of see how they can brush it off (hopefully) – they don’t even have enough time to talk to all the people who LOVE them, let alone waste time on people who don’t!

It’s a waste of energy. Do you have people in your life who love you? A few? Then that is gold. And it is also a sign that you have plenty of awesomeness to share, and the people who will adore you will find you, just put yourself out there. Ignore the bad stuff – there is always bad, but look through it, there is always bitchin’ stuff on the other side.

The Art of Spazzing

Yesterday I had a little mishap (and a triumph – 4 years raw!).

I had posted a video on facebook – a link to a documentary called Eating. I had looked around for this for a while and since it was available to watch on youtube, I posted a link saying “If you’re at all interested in your health, watch this.”

A lone person decided that this was offensive. She was tired of me “ramming” my ideals down everyone’s throats, which amused me since I was only sharing a movie, and not bashing anyone, and I never do. It turned into a personal attack on me and my lifestyle so in reality, she was the one berating me. She became that which she was accusing me of.

I started to think about the book The Four Agreements, one of which is “Don’t take anything personally.”

I find that when something offends me, it is never intentionally meant to offend ME. Or anyone. Whoever is talking or sharing is simply putting their opinions out there, sharing information, and spinning a tapestry of links to others, hopefully to enrich their lives. This is why I share what I share. If I was a person of the “ramming” sort, I would be focusing on particular individuals and damning them for their choices.

Now, this person deleted me. Fair enough. I have done the same with a few others – most of whom add nothing to my life, insult me, or post actual offensive things. I never say anything, though – I don’t feel the need to cause drama. I don’t take their stuff personally – we just don’t connect on most levels. Hell, I don’t connect to anyone on ALL levels, but I know that even if we disagree on certain things, we all have things to teach one another, and if there is caring and love there, then it is worth keeping a link open.

There is an art to “spazzing” I have found. Here’s the list:

1. Figure out why you are offended. Is someone bullying you, or attacking you personally? Or are you just bothered by something they shared? If it’s the former, then you can choose to just ignore or walk away, or you can become just like the perpetrator and become a volcano with lava darkening your eyes and flames coming out of your nose. You fan fire instead of smothering it before it spreads.
If it’s the latter, realize that someone sharing some information is never a personal attack on you. Neither is a personal “attack” – not really. If someone is bothered by you, then they have their own spazzy reasons for being offended as well. Did you mean to rile them up? Doubtful. If you did…well…get a life.

2. Realize that if you feel the need to be “right” then you just feel weak to begin with. The person in question just raised your awareness of the fact. No one can make you feel weak, stupid, guilty, or wrong – they can only make you aware of the fact you already felt that way. Find out why. Stand for something. No one could make me feel dumb about my choices because they form the foundation of my belief system. I don’t feel a need to bash other people to make myself feel superior, what good does that do me? Or others? Does it make me MORE right? No. So why say anything at all? Chill.

3. If you really want to say something, be smart and kind. Leave the smarmy remarks out of it. It just makes you look juvenille and attention-seeking.

4. There are times that definitely call for spazzing – like when someone just won’t leave you alone, no matter what you do or say. The thing is – if you are normally a calm person in these sorts of situations (the type that REQUIRE actual dialogue), getting mad will  be very shocking and demand the person take note. I always notice when someone is a super chill type and then they explode – it’s scary, and I never want to experience it again. If someone is always dramatic – yawn.

So pick your battles – most of them are not very important. Move on, zip your lip (or stop typing), and spend your time doing something worthwhile. Are you gonna give a crap about this supposed infraction in a week? A year?  No. You’re gonna wish you played with your kid, did some exercise, read a book, painted, went for a hike, had a nap, made a meal, etc – yer not gonna even remember in a month anyway – so just forget it. You don’t need to be “right” unless it’s for your own well-being .Do you need to spaz at other people in the process? Didn’t think so.

Your True Nature

Sometimes I wonder how I became so defensive, so snarly, so irritable.

I am not generally those ways, but I sure can be! I have a cruel streak that swims through me like a minnow – I always manage to block it with nets, but it is there, lurking, nasty. It is always repressed, but the knowledge that it exists sort of scares me.

I know I’m not alone. I am naturally a sweet, kind person. So how did all this start?

It’s different for everyone, of course, but mine all started in elementary school when I was the easy-to-pick-on kid – I never fought back, I just cried, or lived in fear of everyone else. Maybe this is why I am such a loner – wow, epiphany! Avoidance of pain then = antisocial now!

But the ability to be mean – that cultivated in high school, after a decade of being picked on – I finally snapped, and it worked. I was suspicious of everyone, always thinking I would have to defend myself. I’ve never really lost that – but I’ve never lost my original, sensitive self, either.

I hate hurting people. I don’t like being in any sort of situation where my defenses get riled up. Most of the time they are not necessary. I have a hold on them, usually, but it can take a lot of effort . Sometimes I want an excuse to be mean. After some thought, I realized why – so I could “get back” at all those people who tormented me as a kid, who I never got to stand up to. SO I can prove to myself over and over that I am not weak, that I can be strong.

But random people, or even people I know – they aren’t those childhood demons. They’re just as messed up from their childhoods as I am. But underneath any nastiness, they are still the sweet, beautiful innocents that want to thrive – everyone wants harmony, everyone wants compassion, and everyone wants to feel gritty enough to survive.

Lashing out at other people is not in our nature – it is just an effect of what has happened to us early on (and sometimes later) in life. Our base beliefs are formed within the first seven years of our lives. It is not our faults. It IS our responsibility to change our triggers, though. We need to come out of the victim state – in ALL ways. Make every decision a conscious one, and if you find yourself lashing out in a way you normally would not, be aware of it, and then think about who you are really angry with.

I used to fantasize about my high school reunion, hoping someone would bring up rumours from back then, so I could shame them. I used to hope everyone would be fat and wrinkled, and I could be the sole slender, youthful one – so arrogant, right? But this would have been my great revenge. I don’t think about that anymore – I still think it would be awesome to look fantastic, but more so I can help people discover a healthy lifestyle and NOT because I want to feel above them all.

It’s trite – I am not that sensitive, picked-on child anymore – but I still identify with her – obviously. That child still wants to be able to stand up for herself. Since she can’t go back in time, that fire may spew to someone completely unsuspecting, or someone who loves her.

Once you really tap into this, then you can remember it every time you interact with someone. It also makes you much calmer and clear if you do get into an argument or fight with someone else, or  if someone treats you poorly. You can actually come at it from a place of intellect, instead of your ego/emotions which all stem from SOMETHING in your past. Figure out what that is.

I just want to mention that there are definitely times you want to be angry, to be defensive, to stand your ground. But this isn’t about those times. This is for those times where you take things out on other people and it’s not deserved, the times where you end up feeling guilty, the moments you wish you could change.

You were born a sweet, loving thing. Remember that is your true nature. BE in the world that way – your world is reflected back at you. You see the good, or you see the bad, and if someone is being nasty to you, you will either respond back in the same way, or you can choose to be kind, and they will most likely mirror you back.

~~

(Not sure where the image is from originally – found on Pinterest.)

Lightbeams: Abigail Geraldine

Lightbeams is the first of an ongoing series of interviews with people who live unconventional lifestyles.

Abigail Geraldine

An artist, photographer and writer who whisked herself away to New York from Singapore to immerse herself in a creative lifestyle. She lifestreams and shares her work at silentinfinite.com.

Exuberant greetings to you. What’s your name?

Hello! My name is Abigail Geraldine.

What are your most intense passions?

Creating. Exploring new worlds. Communicating. Connecting. Experiencing that I am a part of the living universe. Understanding myself.

How did you cultivate these passions? Did you always have them? How did you discover that you wanted to aim your focus on these particular art forms?

They were always latent, though they expressed themselves differently over the course of my life. I was always creative, but not everybody would have considered me ‘talented’: I’m not a child prodigy. I just really, really love creating. I love how I feel when I create: like I’m connected, irreversibly, to a vast network of life.

The experience of true love and bliss that accompanied my creative moments along with the experience of intense suffering when I was not allowed to be creative is what helped me make the decision to focus on this with all my heart, mind and life.

Do you survive solely on your artistic endeavors? If not, what else do you do to survive?

Right now I’m in the process of working towards letting my work support me full time. You’ve caught me in the very moment where I’m putting everything I’ve got into it once more and hoping everything will finally align after years of trying to figure it out. So yes, I am doing this full-time right now, there’s nothing else I do to survive.

How did you develop your talents? Are you self-taught, or did you learn through typical means?

Both. I took a few semesters of digital filmmaking classes and one semester of photography classes at two different art colleges over a period of 5 years. The most meaningful learning to me has always been self-taught, though. I make the biggest leaps when I decide to self-educate because I know how to nurture my own talent best.

Art school was actually harmful to my creative process – besides being exorbitantly expensive, it was too focused on superficial elements and not enough focus on inner development and sensitivity to beauty, which are the most important things for me as an artist.

What was your life like before you decided to do something different?

It was a nightmare. There were some moments of bliss, but mostly it was a difficult struggle. I had to learn how to help my mind and emotions work for me. I kept finding myself in situations with people who only wanted to hurt and squelch me and in places where I had to compromise my identity and deepest beliefs in order to survive.

Who or what inspired you to move forward with your life instead of just moving within everyone else?

I looked to other artists. I fell completely in love with so much 90s music from America (Pearl Jam, Mark Lanegan, Nine Inch Nails, Tori Amos, Skinny Puppy, Fugazi) and realized that there was a different path, where I could hope to live as a whole person. I wouldn’t have to live a double life anymore. I would be able to live fulfilled, whole and always sharing my creative gifts.

I also discovered spirituality through people like Nisargadatta Maharaj, along with Buddhism, Sufism, Christian mysticism, Theosophy and esoteric thinkers like Gurdjieff and Ouspensky.

It became very clear that there was a whole other side to life expressed in art and spirit that most of society simply ignored.

Did you have to overcome anxiety? How did you push through it to get to where you are?

Yes. I had to overcome severe anxiety and depression – which I think are very sane reactions when one is trapped in a society that does not acknowledge one’s deepest potential or that is actively hostile to one’s natural way of being in the world.

The interesting thing about healing yourself from anxiety and depression is that you learn to let your mind and emotions work for you. I healed myself through learning healthy mental habits, excluding certain types of people from my life and basically learning to truly love myself.

What did you have to give up in order to live the way you do? Was it worth it? What did you get instead?

I’ve had to give up a lot of things I hated anyway, in order to get things I really love, which is wonderful! I’ve traded in an unfulfilling relationship for true love, a country I absolutely hated for one that feels like home, a lack of opportunity for so much hope and possibility.

One thing that was tricky was actually releasing the attachment to any kind of conventional success – but this is also wonderful because I’ve always wanted to have an incredibly unique life anyway.

What sort of opposition did you get from other people?

I’ve had people belittle me, bully me, get me to doubt myself, put down my dreams and project their own unhappiness with life on me. Basically I’ve had people make me feel that there was something gravely wrong with me, simply for thinking and acting in a way that is natural to me.

What sort of support did you get?

I’ve had people accept me unconditionally and offer me true love, with absolutely no strings attached – which has been one of the most beautiful and heartening experiences of my life. I’ve had people unexpectedly come through for me in the most difficult situations. I’ve had people appear out of nowhere, help me out, and disappear again. And sometimes, things have seemed to work out like magic – with no resistance.

Photo by Brainwomb.

What do you consider to be paramount to living a full and unconventional life?

Self-knowledge and self-love.

How would you define unconventional?

An unconventional life to me is one lived in harmony with one’s heart and out of step of the template existence that most people lead which involves grasping at illusions of success that neither truly fulfill or satisfy. An unconventional person devotes her life to self-actualization rather than social approval. She thrives instead of just surviving.

You mention going through a lifetime of incredible personal darkness – what steps did you take to get through it? What are the most important lessons that you learned?

I focused on what I wanted to create, summoned the courage to deal with my shadow (really this was a necessity and still is an ongoing process), and relentlessly created positive energy (through thought, feeling and action) in the direction of where I wanted to go.

I took practical steps too: I made damn sure that I moved out of my country of origin to a new place where I would be free to express myself and grow creatively and intellectually.

I learned that paying attention to your consciousness truly changes your experience of reality and in very big ways. When you can take steps to ensure that this moment is fully and truly lived, experienced and appreciated, there is a very real result in physical reality. When you choose to become love, it can’t help but shine through you, transforming your experience of life.

Do you have a personal mantra?

Actually I don’t!

What gets you through periods of inertia?

Inertia is something I have to deal with a lot now, because I’m going through a major life change and I constantly feel the fear of stepping into the unknown. Here’s what I do to release it:

I focus on being intensely  present – just breathing and sometimes listening to music. Inspiration often follows.

I immerse myself in the creative process and enjoy it thoroughly.

I lead myself to remember how good love feels, and how incredible it feels to share it. This often leads to action, because love reaches outward.

I fantasize about the potential we have as human beings to create new realities through art and science. I think about how much of the universe we have yet to discover, and how each generation does the work of reaching just a little further…

I know you are attuned to the positive – do you think it is important to be positive at all times, or should we embrace a darker part of ourselves, too?

We should absolutely discover our shadow and understand how it relates to the parts of ourselves that are easier to deal with. I’m not so much attuned to the positive as I am to the constructive and creative. Creation often implies destruction of some sort within the process. When destruction is in service of the creative process however, it is ultimately creative/regenerative. So, I try to see things beyond the binary of positive/negative, which isn’t always easy!

Does health play a roll in your life at all? How important do you think health is in order to really live the best possible life? What healthy habits do you have?

When I was depressed, I changed my diet to include more raw food as well as organic produce (where possible) and was amazed at how it affected my mood. I think health is really important and it’s definitely something I have been hoping to focus on more. I cook quite a lot, buy organic as much as possible and try to make sure I have some raw component to my diet.

Photo by Morrissey Photo.

Describe your typical daily lifestyle.

Right now I have no typical day. I’m still adjusting to a major life change and this will probably become clearer in the next few weeks. Suffice to say, I create as much as I can every day

How would you advise someone who wanted to break free of a regular life and become what they truly dream? Please give concrete examples as well as some possibly wild ideas.

Pay attention to your dreams – both the kind you have at night as well as the fantasies you have about what your life could be. In contemporary society, too many of us are naturally disconnected from our desires after a lifetime of socialization. We must rediscover our fundamental desires to understand what will really fulfill us on a deep level.

Release the need to have a conventional life in any way – if you’re clinging to conventional success, the transition is going to be that much more painful. Love your unique path.

Have no guilt about giving yourself space and unconditional love. Take as much time as you need. Realize that transformation can’t be rushed or forced.

Realize that you are loved infinitely and that you are infinite love. Tap into that through poetry, music, dance or whatever suits your fancy. Remember that you are loved exactly as you are.

Be present. Breathe deep.

Jettison negative people, beliefs and circumstances from your life regularly.

Change your physical/social environment. For me, moving far away from the culture I grew up in – from Singapore to New York City – helped me expand my idea of what was possible in this world. It helped me let go of any absolute ideas I had of morality. I realized that there is no absolute right or wrong. There is only what works for you and what does not. This made me realize how precious free will is and that all of us have full freedom of choice.

How much does reading affect your life? Any must-read books you suggest to everyone? How about blogs?

Oh yes. I read a ton, though less these days.

Books: Rob Brezsny’s ‘Pronoia’, Daniel Pinchbeck’s ’2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl’, The Essential Rumi (trans. Coleman Barks), Morihei Ueshiba’s ‘The Art of Peace’, Rebecca Solnit’s ‘Hope in the Dark’, Carolyn Elliott’s ‘Awesome Your Life’.
.

Blogs: I love yours!

Also:
Awesome Your Life: http://www.awesomeyourlife.com
Parallax: http://www.parallaxweekly.com
Jessica Mullen: http://www.jessicamullen.com
Coilhouse: http://www.coilhouse.net
Roots of She: http://www.rootsofshe.com
Evolutionary Landscapes: http://evolutionarylandscapes.net/
Live Lightly: http://ilivelightly.com/
Deapologize: http://deapologize.wordpress.com/
Cynosure: http://s.rvxn.org
BellyHeartSoul: http://www.bellyheartsoul.com/
Cosmic Outlaw: http://www.cosmicoutlaw.com/
Biorequiem: http://www.biorequiem.com/
DestroyX: http://destroyx.com/

Do you have a muse or someone in particular you admire (can be more than one).

Refer to the blogs above!

Any other words of wisdom?

Love feels really good. True love feels like the reason we are alive.

~~

Thanks Abigail!

Do you live a creative, unconventional, or free lifestyle? Please email me (or comment below) and tell me about yourself and I may interview you, too!