The Extroverted Introvert

Me in a local newspaper, 2006.

This is usually how I describe myself. I am very much a loner, but once in a while I like to be social – but I sort of do it in a weird way.

It depends on the situation of course, but if I am out amongst strangers, I really like to be noticeable. I want to have the best costume, or be the most overdressed, or the most good-looking, whatever.

But when I do get attention, I want people to leave me alone.

Does that make any sense? Yeah I didn’t think so. I find it rather strange but I think it describes me pretty well.

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Sorry for the lack of posts lately, I have been overcome with obsession for making my own comic, running, and getting the most out of summer.

Being in the Void: Not Scary. It’s Exciting and Magical!

Me in Tofino, BC, 2003

There have been a couple of times in life when I have felt completely devoid of most everything, or have lost “everything.” I know I am not alone.

These times were terrifying at first. When this kind of thing happens, though, I tend not to go into a fear-state of mind. I go into a very open state, so I start to see possibilities.

One example is back in 2003. I was living with my mom, severely depressed, unemployed due to injury, and the guy I was dating told me he was seeing other people.  I had no close friends and was always yearning for other things – surfing, nature, love.

The guy disappeared – after a couple of weeks I realized he was never going to contact me, and instead of continuing to feel abandoned, I started to realize I was FREE – I had NO ties, at all, and was able to go and chase for something I’d always wanted.

And so I told my mother, ‘I want to move to Tofino.”

Tofino is a surfing town on the west coast of Vancouver Island, the main surfing spot in Canada. I had thought about moving there for years, but figured it was too small, too remote. I had lived  on the island before, but still hours away, convinced the size of the place would not mesh with me.

About a week later, my mom showed me an ad in the paper for a job in Tofino, with accommodation available. I contacted them immediately, and within the next two days I took a trip over to have an interview, and got the job. Two weeks later, I moved.

The next year of my life was completely different than it had been before, except for a couple of key things – I was still the same person, just in a different environment. The new place did not change who I was, and I had to learn new things and ways to adapt. I was different in many ways to the people who lived there, and despite my surf-love, had a hard time with many things -  peacefully living with many other people was the main challenge. There was a lot of excess – drugs, drinking, sex, partying – Tofino is a party town, a tourist destination, and a transient place for working travelers. In many ways my illusions were shattered, but I had a fantastic experience that I would not trade for anything.

I also learned to surf, which I had wanted to do since I was a kid.

Most importantly, I had tried something new, that I had always dreamed of. I took the opportunity of the void and filled it with everything I wanted.

Empty spaces in time are the best times to make wild choices – they are the universe giving you an excuse and a chance to expand yourself.

If you have no holds on you, you are free to do anything.

Sometimes the void is created for you, and sometimes you have to create it yourself. Either way, it is not the scary place we imagine. To grow sometimes we need to start with nothing.

I still idealize this little part of the world. It is magical.

The Beginning

This will be a mindful space – a journey. A call to others who feel the same as I, the ones who feel like delicious youths stuck in an adult world, the ones who want to scream FUCK THIS to the normal way of life, who want to brim to the lid with juice, with vibrancy, with lust for everything good in life.

This is just a beginning, but a stream of my life for everyone else who finds it interesting, finds inspiration, or who wants to give inspiration.

The lie of the world, that we have to conform, that we have to act like adults, that we have to blend, that we have to do ANYthing like everyone else… let’s squash the lie and replace it with love, with choice, with valiance, and with pure lust and passion for everything that is possible in life, which is EVERYTHING, if you focus on it.

The focus is everything – anybody who focuses on the ways it can be done, will succeed. Most people give up before they even start, and then when they are dying, they say “Damn, I wish I’d done that.”

Let’s live now. Now is all there is. be a bright light, a beacon, a flaming comet of POW, a dancing kabomb of cheeky, self-loving, heartbursting salaciousness.

Care to join me?